Parenting is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, financial and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood.
Positive parenting is not a method, a set of rules or a style of living, but rather, positive parenting is all about a belief, a way of living, which encourages and establishes that children should be treated with respect, free from violence and shame and guided with loving encouragement.
It is better to bind your children to you by a feeling of respect and by gentleness than by fear – Terence
Strategies of positive parenting
Adjusting the personal pattern of thinking, though the hardest step, is the very first and most important step of becoming a ‘Positive Parent’. The fundamental motto of positive parenting is to teach rather than punish.
Some strategies of teaching children acceptable values may be presented as follows:
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- Modelling – This is a very important procedure of child rearing which states that one should behave in the way that they want their children to behave. When parents talk to the children with respect, the children in turn learn respect and show respect in all their interactions. For example, if we want our children not to interrupt us when we are talking, then as parents, we should also learn not to interrupt our children when they are talking.
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- Play – Playing with our children is not only a form of entertainment, but, rather it is also a very important way of teaching them various values. For example, if we engage in role playing with our children, then they may learn important values like turn taking and waiting for his/her turn in the game. Similarly, by playing with them, we can also teach them other values like responsibility taking and sharing.
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- Empathy and validation – Teaching our children how to be empathetic is a very important lesson. This can be done when we accept all their feelings as they are feeling it. It obviously does not mean that we accept all the behaviours that come with the feelings. But rather, teach them to identify and accept their feelings. It is also important to validate their feelings. For example if we see our children crying, we should not say something like ‘you are a boy so you must not cry’. On the other hand, if we can say something like ‘I understand that you are upset and so you are crying, however, let us see if we can find a solution to problem that has made you upset’. This will not only teach your child empathy and validation of feelings, but it will also equip the child with important problem solving skills.
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- Appreciate the effort, not the result – Children need to learn from us that journey is more important than the destination. If we encourage and appreciate our children for the effort that they are putting in rather than whether they are winning or losing, we impart in our children a sense of confidence. Also, when we appreciate their every small effort, it encourages them to keep trying hard at everything that they will do in life.
- Encourage curiosity – Encouraging curiosity is a very important task for us as parents. At times, the endless questions of our children might become tiring, but it should nevertheless be encouraged. This will teach the child that they do not know everything and hence enhance their learning. At the same time, they will also learn curiosity is always rewarded.
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